A friend and mentor of mine paid me a huge compliment the other day. He said, “Bobby, I’ve watched you for over 3 years now and I have to tell you that I have never, in all my years, met a man who has taken more sucker punches to the gut than you and you don’t even flinch.”
It took me a moment to process what all that meant, but mostly, I was just speechless.
That hasn’t left me since that time. I think about it constantly. “What did he mean?” “Is it true?” “Surely he was just being nice and trying to be encouraging.”
So I went back to him and asked what he meant by that exactly.
He began to recount all the times since we’ve met that life had just plain beat the tar out of me, yet, my family and I just kept moving forward, not letting us stop our forward motion, and I led my family through some tough times.
He told me I needed to tell my story more often. I hate doing that for two reasons. First, I hate it when people just talk about themselves. Second, I hate reliving those pains and hurts in public.
You see, I learned something about myself through that compliment. What is perceived in public as my greatest strength (I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve) is probably my greatest weakness.
I don’t let people in.
I get to the edge of a meaningful friendship and won’t go any further.
People who are closest to me see some of the things we have gone through and see how we handle it publicly (which is to say, we don’t handle it publicly) and give us praise for our stiff upper lip and strong resolve… not knowing that when we go home and come completely unglued and double over in pain.

I’ve been reading Fathered By God: Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You and tonight I ran across something that just struck home for me.

As I think back over the past twenty years, I see now that nearly everything I’ve learned as a warrior, I’ve learned on the field of battle, in the school of reality, the classroom of my life. I began to see the answer to the question: “How does God raise the warrior in a man?”
Hardship.
Something in you knows it’s true. I think this is where we have most misinterpreted what God is up to in our lives. As long as we are committed to the path of least resistance, to making our lives comfortable, trial and tribulation will feel unkind. But, if we are looking for a dojo in which to train as a warrior, well then-this is the real deal. What better means than hardship? What better way to train a warrior than by putting a man in situation after situation where he must fight?

(Eldridge, pp. 110-111)

Some of our hardships have been because we stepped out in faith, others were because we were doing what we are called to do, and others still came out of nowhere and caught us by surprise. Ren and I have been married for 12 years and we’ve had our fair share of hard knocks. But every time we got back up… and will continue to do so.

To my friend who paid me the compliment, I’ll leave the telling of my story up to you… I’m too busy training.